I was talking to a friend about these words the other day and I found in my notes a very practical way of understanding how much energy we’re giving to activities, people or things in our lives. The benefit of knowing this is that we can decode our attraction or repulsion from things, and take steps to change the way we look at them to create balance.



Influence sphere


Love to


Solar system

Spiritual Self Actualisation

Choose to




Desire to




Want to




Need to




Ought to (should)




Got to
(have to)




* Ratio of positive to negative beliefs about the subject

When we love to do something, we see equal benefits and disadvantages (1:1) and our ability to influence expands to the solar system. In other words we do things we love simply because that is what we do. I like to write and share ideas as well as go to festivals and dance – not because I have to, want to or need to, simply because I love to. By being our best selves we are contributing to everyone which helps contribute to the evolution of the whole planet.

On the flip side

When we’re addicted to something, we usually have a ratio of 7:1 of good to bad so we keep wanting it and fear it’s loss.

Above a ratio of 7:1 and we start to need external help to see the balance and people move in to a more bi-polar state … in other words they are super happy when they get what they get the thing and extremely low when they don’t. Above 15:1 is into the realms of schizophrenia.

Listen to their words

Listen to the words people use and you’ll hear how much they are compelled towards the thing they’re talking about. This can help you understand how important things are to them.

Bruno's Garden  (20)

A magic trick for you …

If you find yourself ‘having to’ or shoulding about things in your life, spend a moment writing down 20 benefits and disadvantages to having and to not having this thing in your life and notice how you feel at the end. I did this for the concept of being in Control with surprising results. One of my advantages of having Control in my life was that it gave me freedom as if I controlled everything I could be free to relax. One of my advantages of not having Control was that it allowed me to be free to do anything I wanted, hence having freedom. I realised that both having and not having the thing I focused on, could give me the same result, so I’ve started relaxing my requirement to have control.

Give it a go – remember to write equal amounts (20-50) of the positives and negatives of having it and of not having it so you should have four columns. Really work on it and make sure you finish, you’ll be amazed how you feel …

… kinda like your magic really.


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